As I get older I find it harder and harder to make new friends. I was never the most outgoing person in the world but in school and in college I made some great friends, the kind that I’m still in touch with and whenever we meet up it’s like no time has gone by. Then I went travelling and again I was blessed with meeting some of the coolest people and forming the kind of friendships where you stay up all night talking, or watching Gone With The Wind followed by the whole of the (dreadful) Scarlet mini-series and laughing at the terrible acting.
But then three things happened…I turned thirty, I moved back to Ireland and I had a baby and all of a sudden I have no social life; the friends I had when I lived here are all now living in other parts of the world. Poor, poor me, I know…I don’t mean this to be a pity party; I want to be proactive about it and start making some friends but how do you do that?
Strictly speaking I’m not a Stay At Home Mum because although I’m at home I’m working pretty close to office hours. This pretty much rules out Mother and Toddler groups (if I could find them). So I’m working but I don’t have colleagues I can hang around with; the neighbours are all older people who are very pleasant but we have nothing in common.
So what do people do when they find themselves with a baby, work and no natural situation to make friends? I’m close to putting an ad in the paper.
“Desperately Seeking Grown Ups for Laughs and Late Night Chats (babysitter permitting).”
…maybe not.
11 replies on “Desperately Seeking Grown Ups”
It changes after a while. As the young gets a bit older you might find yourself out a bit more meeting people. At least that has been my experience in the past few years.
I wish I had some kind of advice for you! Just know that even working in a community of 5,000 people I still haven’t met anyone who I’ve clicked with as amazingly as my friends from high school and college. It gets harder as you grow up–people already have their friends and their groups, and sometimes it’s hard to get your foot in the door!
Good luck to you though!
Your situation touches us quite closely – we’re thinking of moving back to Ireland after the summer, and the Irish part of the family has been slightly concerned about the issues you describe. Also, there has been melancholy of returning in the air already: moving to a new country and a new city is a step forward, returning would be two steps back.
I’m still in the early phases of realising what staying at home with a child means – and completely taken aback by the level of isolation. I do trust that it will get better, but somehow having a family has even reduced my willingness of meeting new people . At least in real life, I still seem to have time for new people online. It’s not necessarily bad, it’s just different.. 🙂
Sports clubs, Art clubs,Further education/leisure courses,volunteering, advertise on a hot air balloon, win the lotto …..The new friends you get will be worth the wait.:-)
Claire, I know what you mean about college pals, they are usually the best. I was never hugely close to work colleagues for socialising anyway, always some competitive elements or niggles lurking.
I joined a tennis club about 12 years ago. You probably know it – Meadowvale in Deansgrange. A nice cosy club, inexpensive and simple to join. Handles beginners and any level. Great bunch of true friends I’ve made. The ladies side is very pally actually and all ages, many seem to be around 30-35 age group. Regular informal parties too after events.
My wife has pals from line dancing groups and also a choir she joined. So there are lots of options.
I think you just have to say “fuck it” and get involved with a group/organisation. Don’t care what they think, don’t be anxious that they might not click with you. Throw caution to the wind.
Moro laurnanen … same here, thinking about moving back to Ireland 🙂
Hey Claire – at last I can see your blog whoo hooo – what about organising a few blog parties …? The last few have been pretty sociable
Yay! You made it here 🙂
Yes, that’s a good idea, I certainly enjoyed the last one. Hopefully I’ll make it to the Blog awards and get to know a few more Irish bloggers.
mmmm Claire, how did you get the blog awards “splat” on your sidebar? be gentle with me, I’m a non tech person!
My Dear Claire,
Thank goodness I have heard your call. I have never been one to neglect a lady in distress. I too know your loneliness. Sometimes late at night I find myself with nothing but a drunken harlot or two and stacks of adoring fanmail for company. O the torments of a life of solitude!
I have noticed the above suggestions for you to join a club, and would like to invite you to dip your exquisite toe into my own little private society should you ever find yourself in the Hanseatic region. “That girl” who enjoys blog parties could come along too. Please, do not hesitate to contact my dear secretary, Fraulein Baumgarten, to learn where you should present youself for your initiation, but all other details and society dues will only be made known to you upon your arrival. I do hope that doesn´t put you off, but let me assure you, whatever you seek you will most certainly find! Remember, the doors to my boudoir are ever open.
Your Most Beloved Marquis,
Valmont xxx