Eve had her MMR today. I was so nervous about it, not just because of all the controversy surrounding possible links between the vaccine and autism, but also because so many people reacted with such doom and gloom when I mentioned it. Typical conversation:
Me: Eve’s due her MMR
Other Person: oooh (shaking head, intake of breath) that’s when all the trouble started for my little Tarquin.
Me: What do you mean?
Other Person: Well you know they get a mini version of Measles and Mumps so they get a rash and their glands get huge and their joints swell and they have a fever and their hair falls out and they go blind and they walk with a limp and…but sure it might not affect Eve at all.
Me: Great!
So I tried to stay objective but I’m learning just how difficult that is when it’s your own. I was looking at her smiling and giggling all morning feeling so guilty and thinking “Sure you’re smiling now, but that’s all about to change!” The nurse at the clinic helped to put me at ease but I still felt rotten as I held her on my knee with her legs trapped between mine, the nurse saying “oooh look at the hippo Eve, la la, see Mr. Funny” and all the time she has this monstrous needle hidden behind her back. I braced for the crying as Eve, not fooled in the slightest by our distractions, placidly watched the needle going into her thigh. But she didn’t cry at all! I had tears in my eyes but she couldn’t have been less impressed by it all.
I guess we’ll wait and see now as to whether she does have any reaction to it. There is a 1 in 8 chance that she’ll have a slight rash in a week and in another month her glands may swell. I’m so relieved though. I suppose I can admit now that I had the totally irrational fear that I’d bring her in a happy giggly baby and take away a withdrawn and somber child. It just doesn’t matter how logical and objective you think your approach to life is, when it comes to your child all of that goes out the window.
