Month: November 2005

“Get Ats” is the phrase coined by my mother to describe those little actions we have to do in order to stop something bad from happening. You know, like not stepping on the cracks in the pavement so as to avoid breaking the back of someone you love. Now, don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. My husband tries to be all cool and deny that this is a very normal fixation but I’m positive everyone’s got something they do that makes no logical sense but is a compulsion. Now there are different levels, I will admit this, and I’m not talking about the psychological illness “Obsessive Compulsive Disorder”, although I’m sure that has to start somewhere.

At the risk of having the men come to take me away, here are a few of my “Get Ats” in the hopes that some of you lurking readers might leave a comment and prove to my doubting husband that this is something that goes beyond my crazy family.

1. Shoes, when taken off, must be left in a position that would be comfortable if someone was wearing them. This also applies to trousers and shirts.

2. Toothbrushes can’t be left in their holders with their faces mashed up against other toothbrushes just in case they don’t get along. I mean how horrible would it be if you were left with your face smushed up against the wet face of someone you don’t like for hours on end. Have a heart.

3. All food, shampoo, drink containers with a twist top must not be closed while their bottoms are touching a surface like a countertop or table. If you do their air supply is cut off…they can’t breathe! Lift the container, twist shut then place on the surface/countertop.

4. When you buy a new bottle of shampoo or shower gel, don’t put them next to the nearly empty bottles they will soon replace. It’s not fair to highlight their shortcomings.

5. If a spider or other insect survives your first attempt to wash them down the plughole in the bathtub you have to help them out and set them free into the wild. They deserve it and obviously have something to live for like a family back at the web.

OK, I’m stopping now because I’m worried I’m scaring away what few readers I have!

In Fact, Ah mentioned the limited edition Brew 39 from Guinness a couple of weeks back. I’m not a Guinness drinker myself, not much of a drinker full stop if truth be told, but my Dad, my brother and, through their influence, my husband all consider themselves connoisseurs of the black stuff. They are very fussy about where they drink their pints and will walk out of any bar that only sells the extra cold trendy version. They prefer to drink in slightly quieter pubs since the barman is less likely to be rushed, they know which barmen in which pubs pull the best pints (controversially they avoid barmaids since they maintain women don’t know how to pull a good pint). They claim to know what times of the evening the pints are the best depending on how full or empty the barrel is and they won’t take the first pint after the barrel has been changed. One favourite watering hole was the Queens in Dalkey but this has changed because the head barman left and now the pint just isn’t as good. Finnegans has become the new local although if a better pint is found they are sure to follow it.

My husband was out with my brother not long ago enjoying their usual pint and were just about to order the last one of the evening when they spotted one of the Brew 39 beer mats. Being dedicated Guinness guardians they decided to give it a go purely in the interests of research. To cut a long story short, they got home so late I didn’t see either of them that evening, but I am told that somewhere in Dublin a poor unfortunate taxidermist was phoned at 2 in the morning and asked if he could take a fare from Dalkey.